I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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