My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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