I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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