its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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