haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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