some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
