That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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