I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
