don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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