Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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