Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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