Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
