But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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