Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
