after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
