How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
