so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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