am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
