I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
