On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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