this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize