Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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