Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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