That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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