You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
