My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
