I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
