I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
