you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
