I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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