Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My life is pants optional.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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