Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
