I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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