Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
