There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
