How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
