When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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