They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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