I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
