He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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