I just threw up on my dentist
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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