Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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