And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
