i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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