Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He did a backflip because drugs
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