Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
