my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
