i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
