I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
