There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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