The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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