Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
