Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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