You smell like a Billy Joel song
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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