So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
