Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
