Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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