tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
