ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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