I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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