Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
