I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
