The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
