I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
