I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
