pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
