He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
