There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
