okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
