I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
