Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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