You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
