The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize