her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
