i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
