I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
